Book Review: The Five Love Languages of Children

I love, love, love, love, love my kids. But, do I ever let their "love tanks" get empty? I think so. Authors, Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, offers some sound advice on keeping kids' love tanks full in The Five Love Languages of Children.

This is not a very entertaining book to read. There is not very much humor or exquisite use of the English language. And even though I found much of the theory to be common sense; I did learn some things. I must admit that reading this book has changed some of my behavior in interacting with my children.

My least favorite chapters were actually the ones about each of the five love languages: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. Each of these chapters followed the exact same writing pattern. After reading the first four of these chapters, I felt like I could have written the fifth one. I knew exactly what was coming. I also did not get much out of the chapter on determining your child's primary love language. The ideas presented were just pretty hokey.

My favorite chapters were; Discipline and the Love Languages, Learning and the Love Languages, and Anger and Love. Here's an excerpt from the Anger and Love chapter.

Anger management is the most difficult part of parenting because children are limited in the ways they can express anger. They have only two options, verbal or behavioral expression, and both are difficult for parents to handle. Parents find it hard to understand that the anger must come out some way, that it cannot be totally bottled up. As a result, many parents respond to children’s expressions of anger in wrong and destructive ways.

As you consider the two options, recognize that it is better for your child to express anger verbally rather than behaviorally. When your child vents anger in words, you are able to train him or her in the direction of mature anger management. You want to avoid passive-aggressive behavior at all costs.

Until the age of six or seven, you are working primarily to keep passive-aggressive behavior from taking root in your child. The first and most important way you do this is to keep his emotional love tank full of unconditional love. The prime cause of anger and of misbehavior is an empty love tank. Speak your child’s love language clearly and regularly and you will fill that tank and prevent passive-aggressive behavior from taking root. When that tank is full, the child is under no pressure to display his unhappiness by asking, through his behavior, “Do you love me?" Of course, an empty love tank is not the only cause of misbehavior or anger, but it is the most common.

In the three chapters I liked the best, there were a number of sections that I truly stopped to contemplate. I was forced to self-analyze my actions as a parent and even decide to work on doing some things better. And if I do some things better as a parent because of this book, I guess that makes it an excellent read. It just wasn't excellent reading.